4/23/16 03:27 am - Prince
He was a HUGE part of my identity when i was an alternapop-resistant teen in the 90s. His music was part of my rural white rebellion, and it helped me feel confident. I loved the swagger feeling that came with so much of it. It was exuberant and fun and sexy.
i'm not exaggerating when i say that i listened to only his music for much of my time in high school. i diversified for the last year & a half or so, but he still had a prominent place in the rotation. the mid/late 90s was a fantastic time to be a fan. i so wanted to be Mayte. i got bangs cut. they didn't look good on me, but i loved them anyway.
I WAS A PRINCE FREAK.
i drew a tiny O(+> in purple pen every morning, on my ankle. a little protective talisman.
My high school yearbook's "bought space" says "welcome 2 the dawn" to me, bless my sweet parents. i was a little embarrassed about that from time to time, but at this PRESENT MOMENT, i am proud.
My timid li'l freak flag, finding a place to fly from.
"Solo" (from the album, "Come") is on repeat here, with others, streaming, based on some of what i once had. Solo is such a GORGEOUS example of what his voice was capable of. It echoed out our windows tonight, out into the rain.
THE GOLD EXPERIENCE, though. It is my favorite album. It was on my Amazon list to replace. I did not yet replace it. I have regrets about that, but not as many as i have about not keeping up with his newer work (watched him on saturday night live in '14) and not being active with him on social media (as much as i generally dislike it) -- apparently he had been, uncharacteristically, communicating with fans openly on Twitter. i had always assumed it was a fool's errand.
he had also begun work on his memoirs.
he had also reconnected with many people from his past.
i am writing about someone who seldom looked back, always ready to create whatever was next, charging into the future.
The Gold Experience will become affordable again. I can wait. The songs all live, start to finish, in my mind anyway.
but the missed opportunity to tell him how much i loved his work, and to any appropriate extent, him...
i'll just have to become okay with that.
i hope he knew just how loved he was.
the "craze" that happens posthumously is disturbing to me.
DON'T PLAY ME comes to mind, which i owned as the B side to The Truth single.
i try to emotionally embrace people who seem like johnny-come-latelies (as I must to anyone who didn't know me through high school).